has anyone seen my toothbrush?

Every time I go anywhere, I always forget my toothbrush. There is a trail of my toothbrushes in bathrooms and living rooms ('cause that's where I sleep) all the way up and down the east coast. I went to go buy a new one today at the CVS down by school while I was waiting for the train and they're up to almost five fucks. Ridiculous. I have to stop losing those.

As a side note, the CVS at school apparently still sells cigarettes. Victory.

Vapid Thoughts

So, uh, I kind of want these. I'm not sure I can pull 'em off, but if I ever get around to starting a killer punk band I'll be all set for my casual attire.

Except I would not be wearing them with a grandma sweater. Ratty Misfits shirt? Probably.

I would probably buy them right now if I hadn't just quit my job and I wasn't so broke. They're pretty sick, but I don't know if I can spare the 40 bucks. Ugh. But I did buy a pair of black jeans with leather detailing for $20, so I'm pretty stoked about that.

And thus concludes today's thoughts about things that don't really matter but I like to think about anyway.

Huh.

I'm beginning to think it says something when people who run in the same circles I do didn't know that I no longer live in New Jersey. It's been a year and a half. Guess that means I stay in touch ok.

Sometimes I Wonder

There are no idols, no heroes in a world of death...there are no winners in this fucked reality.

I walked home covered in somebody else's blood today. It made me lose a little bit more faith in humanity, not that I had all that much to begin with. On my way home from the laundromat I noticed a woman was crouched on the stoop of one of the apartments nearby, fumbling around with something on the ground and looked like she was having a hard time staying up. She turned her head and her face was covered in blood. Covered. There was blood everywhere, and it was impossible not to notice, because as I got closer I saw that it was all over the ground around her. And people were walking right past. I left my laundry on the sidewalk and went over to see if she was ok, and she gave me her purse and asked me if I could help her find her keys. She was holding a glove to her head to try to stop the blood and it was absolutely drenched, and I could see more running down her face. I couldn't find her keys, but some girl who lived in the building was coming home and helped me bring her in. Within seconds there were blood splatters all over the foyer from the lady's head. She said she fell on the ice, and she wouldn't let me call her an ambulance. I don't think she had insurance/the option of going to the hospital, because she barely spoke English and when I said ambulance she was very adamant that it wasn't an option. I was just worried because she was alone and couldn't even get herself into the building. The girl who lived there took her upstairs so I could take my laundry home, since there wasn't much that I could do to help at this point. I hope she's ok.

It makes me sick how apathetic people are, and how they walked past that poor woman who was essentially sitting in a pool of her own blood. If that's not important enough to warrant some concern, where are we supposed to draw that line?



What's funny, though, is that every time I have a conversation like this about how something awful happened and people just walked by, it's always with the "menaces to society" who the rest of the people on the street wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. They're a bunch of ratty-looking tattoed miscreants, but they're always the first to run over when somebody needs help. Yeah, I need to watch the company I keep. Fuck you all.

Pants Shopping

So I think I finally figured out how to buy pants that fit - buy them two sizes too small and suck it up until you've broken them in/haven't eaten because you spent your grocery money on pants.


I just bought these on sale for $20

and I'm pretty sure I like them. Leopard print pants are tough to pull off if you don't want to look like a 15 years old who's PUNK AS FUCK...especially since I look like I'm about 15. These aren't obnoxiously leopard print (from far away without glasses I'd had no idea), and they actually go with my clothes because all I wear is grey and black anyway. But I'm not sure I love them yet, it's the first time I'm wearing them and they're still a size or two too small, ha (also, I would like to point out that the shoes in that ad are the ugliest fucking things ever. Nobody who's wearing leopard print pants is going to prance about in them and grandma's good clogs thankyouverymuch)

However, I'm kind of leaning towards the more obnoxious version of them as well...

The blue is a bit brighter in person and much less gray. And for $20 I think it might be worth it, especially since most of my pants are going to become cutoffs come summer anyway.

While I'm making an imaginary shopping list, I need:

• black skinny jeans
• knee-high docs (call a friend for that one)
• dresses
• new black zip-up hoodie
• shoes

My Ancestral Homeland, New Jersey

I want to stay in New Jersey forever.

We always go on and on about how we're all doomed to live in Jersey forever (which is most likely true. people go away, but nobody ever really leaves), but if that's the worst thing about the future I'll have to contend with, I can live with that. Say what you may about it, New Jersey will always be home.

Jersey, here's to you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jughandle

Basement Shows

It's always super awkward when you go and realize that you don't know a single person there and everyone else has somehow known each other forever, but then you see that kid you talked to for like ten minutes six months ago drunk in someone else's basement and then it's cool and you get in his friend's car to get burritos at 1am.